Ep 12: Living the Emotional Wave (with Cris Beasley)

Healer and Creator Cris Beasley, a 3/5 Emotional Generator, is here to talk to us about the Emotional Wave!

You can find Cris' oracle deck and offerings here: http://www.crisbeasley.com/

Transcript

Rachel: [00:00:00] On this episode of New Paradigm Human, 3 5 emotional generator Chris Beasley and I are talking about the emotional wave.

Hello everyone, I'm here with my friend Chris. We met a few years ago through both being Oracle Deck makers online. And we've had the opportunity to actually meet in person a few times. So she has some amazing ideas. She has channel 4323, Genius Freak Channel. She's a 3 5 emotional generator. And we wanted to do this episode because she came to me with some really interesting insights about the [00:01:00] emotional wave.

And as a completely open solar plexus, I love to invite. Emotional people in to talk about their experiences with their design. So welcome. 

Cris: Hey, thanks so much for having me on Rachel. Very excited. We've been in conversation about this emotional wave for more than a year. Cause I know I was in Mazunte on the beach, like sitting on a beach chair, dictating about an hour's worth of content.

Rachel: Yeah, 

Cris: Um, so yes, it's been an enormously long process for me because I have to live things being a three, five, I have to screw it up and then I have to get it into a situation that's sufficiently halfway screwed up enough to then talk to my friends about it and then we get a little bit better and then I start working with some of my clients.

And then, by that point, I have talked to several different people with lots of different energy [00:02:00] structures and it starts to make sense. An emotional wave is really interesting because you can be a manifester with an emotional wave. You can be a projector, you can be a manifesting generator, or a generator.

You can't be a reflector because they have no defined centers. So this one's actually applicable to a lot of different people. Do you want to say a little more about the, the structure of, of how that all works? 

Rachel: Yeah, I, as an emotional authority, everyone who has their, uh, solar plexus defined is going to be default emotional authority.

So it's the most common authority in humanity, 50 percent of people have it. Basically when you have that, your emotional state is, it originates inside of you. So you're always emitting this emotional energy into the world. And then people like me with the undefined solar plexus, which is the other 50%, we're taking that in.

We're having our experiences through. The emotional energy that other people are generating for people who have an emotional wave. They're just [00:03:00] constantly moving through this sort of neutral down experience. That's where you get a lot of your awareness on just the world and your decisions and yourself and everything.

Yeah. 

Cris: And I read that. Like three years ago, four years ago, and I thought, okay, cool. That's really helpful. I don't know if it's true or not, but I'm telling you, it feels like the hardest of the authorities to, to master. And probably we all feel this way. Cause I've talked to my friends who are sacral and they're like, what do you mean?

I know what I need right now. I do not. It changes all the time. 

Rachel: Yeah, I know. It's never as simple as it's described. One of the things that I've really noticed is, which I feel like kind of goes with this, is that often, sacral authority is, you know, we're told we always know what we want, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we act on it right away, and it doesn't mean that emotion doesn't [00:04:00] get involved in that for us, because often, a response that we have will bring up emotion.

So it's not like we don't have our own emotions, it's just that they are typically triggered by an outside event or another person or something that's happening. And then I, I hear kind of the same type of thing from emotional authorities, which is that idea of the wave doesn't always play out in their life exactly the way that they think it will, or people's waves can be so different.

Or even some of the people that, like my partner, he's an emotional authority with quite a bit of activations there. And I just feel that he has a very long and gentle way of like, it can almost be like years on things. So he's not someone I read as like a, an up and down emotional person. So it really varies.

I don't know. What are your, what are your thoughts on that? 

Cris: Well, I would say that what's helpful about the wave once I finally caught on to it was It doesn't show up for everything because not everything gives you that, [00:05:00] that immediate charge, either a big spike up for happiness or a big spike down for disappointment or whatever those, whatever specific emotion is, is you're up and you're down.

It can be a lot of different emotions. It can be anger in the down. It could be, Like an endorphin high in the up. That's the sort of a weird expression or a weird example, but your body's gonna do its own version of it. We don't know exactly what that's gonna be for you, but probably like needing to throw away the ketchup bottle is not an emotional wave big spike for you.

Might be. It's a very nostalgic ketchup bottle that you got in fifth grade from your favorite teacher. But unless it actually has some spike of emotion up or down, then it isn't what we're sort of talking about. It's those bigger decisions in life that we are responding to that this is essential for.

For me, the bigger [00:06:00] the charge up or down, the longer I need to actually let it settle. Because I can be riding on a high about some idea that I've had for two, three days. If it's a really, really significant thing in my life, then I want to actually wait until I have the crash. So if I start on a high, I wait for a crash.

If I start in a crash, I actually need to wait for the high. Because you can just make very impulsive, you know, like, cut things out of your life. That actually, nothing crazy happened. This happened to me actually last week. I had someone that I was in a financial negotiation with, and we had a phone call, and I got off that phone call.

For some reason, all of my little tormentor voices, they just wanted to rake me over the coals for it. I literally just had to be with that [00:07:00] part of myself that was really, really scared, and understand, like, oh, of course, this stuff is coming up. But then I knew for sure that if I would just let myself sleep on it by the next morning, I would have a different perspective.

And if I hadn't really come back up, that I would wait for the next morning to get more clarity. And I think it did take a couple days for me to really be able to trust the guidance that I could hear from my center, which was saying, you didn't mess anything up. Everything's fine. You literally don't need to do anything.

And this is, okay, we're going to talk about de traumatizing. There's only three words in the strategy, wait to respond. But I didn't need to de traumatize my relationship to two, but I definitely had to de traumatize my relationship to waiting and responding. 

Rachel: Actually, this is maybe a good segue. Do you want to talk a little bit about what you do in life?

Ah, yeah, sure. Yeah. And just because [00:08:00] you're a generator, what's your, what's your sacred lit up by? And I think 

Cris: I'm pretending to be a manifesting generator. I'm pursuing five different paths and mastering right now, which is perhaps not advisable, but I don't have any excuse for it. I don't have gate 16 versatility.

There's, there's no reason for this, but anyway, it's happening. So we're just letting it. Let's start from the top. I do shadow work. I have an oracle deck that was already mentioned. So I work with people one on one and in couples doing relational alchemy. I do psychedelic guiding. I do sound healings. I paint aliens and sing.

It's a pretty big collection of stuff going on right now. 

Rachel: It is, but I don't think you're that strange for generators, because often we do have a lot of different outlets, but they all cut, like, they all make sense together. They're all kind of under the same umbrella. They're not like completely separate.

So I think that's pretty normal. They 

Cris: really do cohere. I was afraid for a lot of my life [00:09:00] that I was. It's just like some octopus that was gonna rip itself apart, but I see how it actually is woven into the same tapestry of one human now. So if there's any, any other multi passionate generators here, it's all right.

Rachel: It is. It totally is. Okay. So back to what you were saying about deconditioning, your feelings about waiting and responding. 

Cris: Right. So I actually, we're going to come to wait, but the deconditioning around waiting happened much later. I had to first decondition myself. around respond. Mine shows up very much as desire.

I have the 59 6 channel, so it does very much come across as this like magnetic, juicy desire. And we were talking about this earlier. I'm curious how you would describe it. I think it might be different for other people. 

Rachel: Yeah, as someone who is not an emotional authority, doesn't have that gate, the 59 [00:10:00] or anything like that.

Yeah, for me it's more like a, sort of like an electricity, or buoyancy, or the desire, it's desire, but it's less of a sensual desire, maybe, or like a, like a sexy desire, cause I do, I, I know a few 59 sixes in my life and their, yeah, their desire feels very similar to what you're describing. There's kind of this like elusive, like in and out, like sexy, like you can't pin it down type of thing where I feel like for me, it's, it's kind of this very clear.

Sort of unemotional desire, if that makes sense. 

Cris: It doesn't, to be honest. Yeah, it's like fascinated by it anyway. 

Rachel: That's the thing is, that's why it's so great to, to get two people together with very different designs, because we'll just never know how it feels for the other person. 

Cris: Yes. And somewhere in this amazing book, The Divinative Book of Human [00:11:00] Design, um, by Linda Minnell and Raouru, I had this book on my shelf for the longest time and when I got it I was very intimidated by it and hardly looked at it and then I brought it all the way to Mexico.

I brought like seven books and this is one of them and I opened it up exactly to the channel of mating and it explained about how sexy it is to wait. I guess I am going to talk about waiting first because this is where we are. So if you are in a connection with somebody in a negotiation and really kind of everything is a negotiation if you're working on a project with somebody and money is involved, or even if money is not involved, even if you're just friends trying to decide which movie to go see or what restaurant to eat at, kind of everything is a negotiation and it's not bad, it's how we bump into each other and how we, how we do things, right?

So, the interesting thing about that wave is, if you're really making an in the moment [00:12:00] decision where you don't, there's not a lot at stake, like, which movie we are gonna see. That's a decision you can't sleep on. You're at the theater, you need to do the thing, right? And when you check in with yourself, probably you don't have a massive charge that needs so much time to get through.

But there is, in other situations where the, there is the possibility of taking a longer time, it's really helpful to say to people, let me sit with that. I will get back to you on Monday. And I generally, now that I have been working with this for a couple years, have a pretty good sense based on how big the spike is, how long I'm going to need.

And I just know, like, I'll be able to get back to you by Monday. I'm like, by Sunday? No, I don't want to do it on a weekend. Let's, let's say Monday. And then I have that sense of like, yeah, we'll be totally through by them. And then, you meet on Monday, you have a conversation, you say whatever you're gonna say, [00:13:00] you gather your new information, and maybe you need to make changes to that proposal, and you don't need to make any of those decisions in the moment, at all.

It's best to take another, especially it was a hard conversation. Let me sit with that. I'll go back to you on Wednesday. And this is what has our aura become magnetic. That, making people wait, it's It's kind of, I mean, this is where it feels sort of sexual, it's like a cat and mouse game and it's not that I'm trying to torture anybody, I really am not.

But the fear that I couldn't make people wait on me, that they wouldn't go at my pace, that I couldn't take my time, they'd change their mind, everything would fall apart. So I kept rushing, I kept rushing and rushing and rushing to do things that I just wasn't ready to do. And I was making proposals to people that weren't suitable for them because I didn't have the time to sense into what they really needed.

Mostly, I [00:14:00] didn't have time to sense into what I needed. I didn't understand my requirements. I didn't understand my desires. For better or for worse, it just, we're doing some kind of deep processing in the solar plexus that is necessary. I mean, 50 percent of humanity has this. It's obviously a very necessary part of our mutation.

Of our evolution, 59. 6 is a very, is a very mutative gate and it is like, it's the direct connection between the solar plexus and the sacral. So we're like the most pure version of an emotional authority generator. Like if I had nothing else to find in my chart, this automatically makes you, cause it trumps everything if you have these, these two defined.

So, don't, especially if you have 59. 6, please research this gate, but I think it's useful in general to figure out the mechanics of your chart and sort of how the power is moving through you so you can identify, and if you need to do [00:15:00] that with, with somebody that's better at looking at charts than you, it's really helpful to specify like, ah, this is the thing.

Am I split definition? Do we have solar plexus in one section, and sacral in another section, and is there a little gate that would connect them, and oh, those are the people that I'd be really drawn to. That kind of specificity can be incredibly helpful in understanding your design and working with your authority.

Rachel: Totally, because I have your chart pulled up here, and you have your solar plexus going to your heart and your sacral, but you know, not to your throat, whereas you have your your ajna going to your throat. So do you feel that? Most of the time you're kind of expressing yourself directly from your mind as opposed to your emotions.

Cris: That's such a good question. It for sure in the earlier part of my life I did not have the ability to connect those centers. It was something that I had to come into. I'm not a therapist, but I am a person that like sits with people while they open up their [00:16:00] deepest traumas. I'm just not called a therapist.

And if you had told my 18 year old self that who was studying computer science, she just would have laughed you out the hall. She would have thought that was the most ridiculous thing she ever heard. I was never the kid that people came to, to cry on the shoulder of. So, it's been in the process of bridging that split.

Mostly by having a best friend who I call my emotional support animal and he's also my colleague and he and I complete each other's all seven centers and like we're fully mapped. So if you can find your person that connects the split for you, this is not about emotional wave, but. I think as an emotional wave, well, we'll talk about this.

I have a post it note on my screen that says, SAFE PEOPLE. And it's, it's next to this like, sign wave of the up and the down. Here is the critical, critical thing. I'm like, clapping my hands at you. [00:17:00] It doesn't take too long into our life that we realize that not everybody's gonna be able to be with us in the trough, in the bottom of the wave.

Although, there's a part of me that wants, that really, really wants people to be able to hold space for that. But you just have to understand that that voltage that's coming through us is so strong. And maybe not that the other person doesn't want to, but they don't have the capacity, or they just don't know you that well, or a million other reasons that, that, they're just not available for this right now.

Like, I like a conference call going on. I don't know. Doesn't have to be a big one. But there's lots of reasons that people struggle to be with you in the bottom of the wave. But find some people that can. My, my sweet, lovely David can be with me in the most extreme, tidal, ha, ha, ha, storm surge situations.

Uh, he has been, he has been with me in moments where I was having a [00:18:00] controlled panic attack, which is the whole of the story, but Uh, when we, our stuff gets really significant and we don't need to calm it down. We actually don't need to calm it down. But we do need to put it in a context where it's safe for ourselves and safe for others.

You know, there's an enormous amount of work in nonviolent communication and taking responsibility for your own emotions there. What is more surprising and was way more painful. is that I also was realizing that I was scaring people at the top of the wave. Because for me, I go to a very visionary place and I can paint castles in the sky, like for days, and they're not grounded.

If I haven't visited the bottom of the wave. They're not grounded. I got real upset. I remember I thought, man, maybe this employer, maybe this employer can stand to get a voicemail from me when I'm just flying, let me try it out. It didn't go well. [00:19:00] It did not. He did not understand. He was like, what crazy idea do you have woman?

I was really embarrassed a couple days later when I hit the bottom of the wave and I hit the bottom of the wave hard because it hadn't gone well. I will say that generally speaking, or my strong preference at least, would be that the same people that can hold you in the bottom can hold you in the top.

You need the balance. If someone only sees you in the top or only sees you in the bottom, You're not going to have a, a nice regulated, uh, because it's all about synthesis. It's all about the synthesis of all of those points along the wave. 

Rachel: Yeah. Another question I have that I hear a lot from people in my community who have emotional authority is, and you kind of touched on this a little bit, but, They are confused about sort of how the sacral response and the emotional authority go together like when I talk about sacral response They're like does this apply to me?

And I'm like, yes, it does But it's kind of there's a [00:20:00] couple different things going on because when we think about the sacral it's a motor So it's very different from the solar plexus, which is an awareness center so the is just gonna speak to us and like on off, on off. It's mechanical, whereas the solar plexus is like very poetic.

It's aware. It tells us things. It gives us insight. So how do you, I guess, like operate with those two together in harmony or Do you not sometimes? Are you talking about in relationship 

Cris: with 

Rachel: sickle authorities? Uh, no, like within yourself. Like your responses plus your emotional authority and your awareness from that and how you make those bigger decisions, I guess.

Cris: It doesn't seem so distinct for me, but I would love to contemplate on that. The, I feel it a lot more distinctly when I'm in relationship with a person who's sickle. That's where I can start to actually pull apart the difference because they're all just part of the same stew in me. Once I understand, oh, that's a carrot and that's potato, then it's helpful, but it's [00:21:00] in the connection and actually.

I had a very formative relationship with a sacral authority being that was not Emotional Wave. It was enormously helpful in understanding the importance of me waiting, because I was completely frying this, this human out. And it was only later that I realized that they were probably feeling my emotions in a way.

Even more strongly than I was and I know this is just part of my wave and I'm like, well, don't take it so seriously You need to see me on all points of this wave and it's fine, but they were kind of just seeing the The highs and the lows but not so much of the synthesis in between I don't feel like I'm exactly answering your question But that's the best I know how to do 

Rachel: that makes sense.

And yes someone who has a completely open solar plexus It's like our job around emotional authorities, and I live with two emotional authorities, is to learn to just [00:22:00] observe those emotions. Because of course for us, it's like, the truth is always in the now. So if someone says something, like, we don't tend to like, do something unless we mean it kind of, or we, whereas people with emotional authority, they're going to be sort of contemplating all these different levels and awarenesses of things.

What we have to learn to do is just observe and release, observe and release. Like the emotion is just something in the now it's not necessarily moving forward. You can't extrapolate from it. You can't act into the future on it. So it's just something to watch and observe. And it doesn't mean that it's going to be like the final decision, but if we're not aware of that, we want to like resolve every single emotion.

So that could be really exhausting between two people. 

Cris: Oh, don't do that. No, that's not helpful. The thing I would love to say to all the psych girls and just to everybody in humanity in general is you're not responsible for my emotions. And I know that I deeply know [00:23:00] that, but it can be difficult for people to embody that because it's a lot, if it's snagging on some of their own trauma, then it does resonate with something in them.

And. You know, that can be unexpected if they're just having a nice. Lunch, and they get some very emotional, you know, voicemail message out of nowhere, and it's got sparks everywhere. It's like, ah, what does this mean? Are we going to Ireland in three weeks? Or, you know, there really isn't anything to do.

Rachel: Yeah, it just is. It just is. It's, it's not actually an energy of moving forward. It's not the sacral energy, and maybe that's kind of the difference. 

Cris: It will be, but it isn't yet. If you catch somebody on a, on a high, and they haven't been through the trough of disappointment, I coined that but that's just what I call it.

I don't know if somebody else said that and I just thought it was brilliant or if I'm that brilliant [00:24:00] but anyway the traffic disappointment if you've not gone through the traffic disappointment about your trip to Ireland in three weeks Just wait it will show up and you know I think it can be for me at least I felt for a long time like What am I just gonna dream all of these castles in the sky and they're all gonna turn into the sand They're all just gonna poof.

Mm hmm, and we're gonna talk about a hot tip for not ruining your life with that and at the end Remind me to talk about ideas on deck But, we're dreamers, we long for things, we're built to long. This is the thing I would please if you would just not take our longings away from us. We so badly would love to stop longing for things, because it can create an enormous amount of suffering.

But if you just try to, the most extreme example of this would be to take a vow of poverty and give up all your worldly possessions, but do you still have desire? You know, you probably want that sweet little brass bell in [00:25:00] the church gift shop, or you want, like, that cute parishioner to be your baby daddy.

The desire doesn't go away. So, there's such a beautiful tender lesson in working with your desire. And I'm talking about desire because the word respond Is from sponda, which is spark and spark for emotional waves shows up, at least for me as desire your what are you waiting to respond to you're waiting to respond to your desire and desire is from day CD day, which is down from the stars.

These desires are, I don't know that this is true, but this is what I work with as one of my pillars is that we have a karma, we have a prerogative to karma, and it was agreed before we came to the planet, and we have this line that we're here to walk, these creative polarities that we're here to trace the line of and to share with our fellow beings, and there's nothing that will have you not walk that [00:26:00] path, you can suffer from being pulled along it with a piece of dental floss, Or you can rejoice in your desire.

Cause the only different, like, desire is desire. It's gonna happen no matter what. Is it eros? Is it pulling you forward with joy? Are you loving having that desire? Is there also, we generally do, but is there also a part of it that's clinging, that it's attached to the expectation of the desire? That is like, oh, if I had that thing then, I would feel XYZ.

Well, just go ahead and feel XYZ. That's basic manifestation law of attraction. That's it. That's all it is. We're built to do the law of attraction. We are magnetic, right? 

Rachel: Yeah. But 

Cris: when you get caught in the suffering, I like to think about a parable, it's a Buddhist parable about glass is already broken.

When you buy a glass at the store, you love it, you wouldn't have bought it if you didn't desire it. As you're checking through the cashier, just imagine it broken, imagine [00:27:00] yourself putting in the trash. It will make it that much more precious. Mm hmm. It will make it that much more precious. Our time with our loved ones is just like that.

So, this practice of working with our desires is, it can be incredibly painful if you don't have some practice of non attachment, of surrendering to the divine, however it shows up for you, but I would highly recommend to cultivate that in your deconditioning process as an emotional wave. It is like, essential.

You're gonna be an unhappy being if you do not get these skills. 

Rachel: It's so true. And I honestly feel that as all defined sacrals. It's that is probably one of the biggest distortions of generators and manifesting generators, because I definitely saw this in myself. I was so out of touch with my desires because the second I felt one, that mechanism kicked in of like, well, how am I going to get that?

And then I would feel like, well, I don't know how I'm going to get that. And I'm just like completely, my nervous system is [00:28:00] overwhelmed. Everything's overwhelmed, shut it down, stuff it away, put it away. Never just allow that to guide me. Whereas now I'm not at all afraid of my desires. I'm like, Oh, well, that's interesting.

Well, that means that clearly I'm going to go in that direction. So I can just let this sit here and let it unfold. Yeah. A lot of people, I think just like stuff those down because. I don't know, we didn't learn to just let them be and let them guide us. We think that we have to mentally figure out how to make them be, but we don't.

They just are. They, they come out of their own, their own volition, I guess, and they come together in their own time. So I agree completely. 

Cris: This is the part about waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Often the trough of disappointment is composed of, I have no idea how I'm going to do it, I don't have the money, I don't have the time, I'm too old, whatever the blahblahblahblah.

All the blah, blah. All the blah, blah is in the, the Trough of Disappointment. And if you interfere with that, then you, [00:29:00] that's just the suffering. But, if you can alchemize that, work through those saboteur patterns, like sit with those exiled children within yourself, which this is not, this is not like, Okay, in three weeks, I'll have all that done.

This is the work of life. Because the bigger our desires are, they bring up other, other forgotten parts of ourselves that would like to have a hug. So, give that part of you a hug. Right? We are doing this enormous amount of energetic processing through this process, but it's only allowing the desires to flower, that we can even start to meet those forgotten children within ourselves.

And there's no way to manifest the thing that came in through the top if we don't do the work in the bottom. So that's one of the roles of the bottom that I didn't understand. And then the second one that I'm aware of. Is we have to clearly get to our requirements. How much do we need to [00:30:00] charge? Can I do it in July?

Does it need to wait until August? Real, like, feeling into yourself so that you have an abundant, abundant finances and abundant time. You have to space things out and you have to charge what they're worth. Just to put it in a business context. It's really 

Rachel: interesting. So as you're, if you're riding the wave on like a business thing like that, how does that awareness come in?

Like, how do you become aware of those things over the few days or weeks or whatever that you give yourself? Like, what does it feel like? 

Cris: It is a body feel. So I do a little body test, which is like, I can get back to you on Monday. And if I have a, then I do it. And if I have like a eeeh, then I don't. It really is a contraction or an expansive feeling and your body will not lie to you.

Everything else will probably lie to you. Your soul won't lie to you, but Your body, it can be hard to tell what your soul is, but that's probably its own, its own whole podcast. [00:31:00] Yeah, and honestly, Isn't my soul speaking to me? 

Rachel: I don't really think that the, like, the soul is not directly addressed in human design, because the soul is kind of this other thing.

It's, I, just like you're saying, I feel like it's involved, but it's, the human design is really how those things speak to us. It's not the what, it's not really like, You know, it's not the soul, but it's like how, how our body is designed to give us signals from our soul. 

Cris: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. The body gives us information that helps us cross check.

Exactly. I wouldn't say only listen to your body, especially if you experience any kind of disassociative disorders, psychotic disorders. There are definitely people for whom the thing that they think is their body that's supposed to be giving them. A reliable compass is not. So, it's a big process of tuning into your compass.

That's a lot of the work that I do with my clients, is actually calibrating their compass with them, so that they can have a thing to [00:32:00] listen to. But even when you have a calibrated compass to your body, you still, especially on big, big things, you have to cross check, cross check, cross check. Let me bring in my mind, let me bring in my heart, let me bring in my body.

All three, at least those three, at minimum, need to sign off on big deals. And that's a lot. It takes a while to tune into all of those awarenesses. 

Rachel: It does, and I don't think that that's wildly different whether you're emotional authority or say, girl authority, because while the emotional authority, kind of like I mentioned, they're going to be Working their way through their wave, sacral authorities are going to be waiting until any emotion settles, because emotion isn't going to be ultimately part of our process.

And I experienced something very similar, which is, it's not just listening to your body, it is, but often I receive all sorts of awareness, you know, people ask, well, can you respond to things inside of yourself? I always say yes, because I receive little bits of awareness, and who knows exactly where those are from?

Those can be from the soul, they can be from something you've heard [00:33:00] and it just kind of made sense, it can be from channeling, if that's something that resonates for you, but the key is that once you hear those things, because I also, you know, I have a defined spleen, you have a defined spleen, sometimes I'll get little bits of awareness.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that I act on that. It's just kind of like, okay, that's an awareness. But if I get a little bit of awareness and my body goes, Ooh, like lights up, like, Ooh, I have energy. Then it's like, okay, that's a stateful response. And then I can start to take action in that direction.

Is that. Kind of the way you experience it too. 

Cris: I get a lot of quote unquote false positives. I have way more visions of castles in sky than I possibly can do. 

Rachel: Yeah, 

Cris: and they often Need to morph a lot like a lot Even though they can come through feeling like there's some coherent whole And that's just the, I don't know what makes me work this way, but maybe it's my 40 through 23, which is in my activation sequence as well.

[00:34:00] So, like, very prominent in my chart, possible explanation. So I get what feel like whole downloads. That has this architecture within it, and it seems so convincing, but it's not ready. It's maybe 40 percent baked. It's definitely not 90 percent baked. But because I had this, this thought that it was 90 percent baked and I would go and I would try to do it and it didn't work, then I just would burn the whole thing down.

Rachel: Yeah. 

Cris: And then another version of it would show up, and I would try that one, and I'm like, no, that one burned down too. I don't know how to run my life at all. What am I even doing? But I wasn't waiting. 

Rachel: Yeah, I have had very similar experiences because, just because. you have a response to a big idea doesn't necessarily mean that it's time to act on it.

And it may not be for a very long time. That's why even if you have that, you still can't let the mind start to come in and strategize [00:35:00] because if you're meant to head toward that now, you're going to start having those. little sort of breadcrumb responses toward that thing. And it's really better to just, and I have a defined head of nausea, so I have a lot of mental energy, but it's really better to just kind of wait and in hindsight make sense of all of that in a way, or just observe it in the present if you are kind of a present oriented person, as opposed to trying to take control of it.

But that's hard, and that just takes practice. There's really no way around that. It's just 

Cris: Yeah. It 

Rachel: takes time to learn. I 

Cris: also sense the manifesting generators, especially ones that have the, um, the voice of the now probably have more, they're more tilted towards, uh, they seem like they have the best life on the planet, honestly.

And like, isn't it? No, I know. It's not like that. We idolize, idolize everything that's not us, but they have their own challenges too. But yeah, if you do have that voice of speaking from the now, I think that's Gate 20. 

Rachel: Yeah, it is. Or like if they have the classic [00:36:00] manifesting generator 3420, just say girl straight to throat.

Yeah. 

Cris: One of my dearest friends, and actually it was the artistic advisor on the Becoming Dragon deck, Fantastic man named Nick Napolitano. I idolized him in this way. I'm like, why can't you just tell me how to be like you? And I had to make peace that I don't work like he does. And I literally, if I'm trying to run my life in the way that he does with multiplicity of projects that he does, I'll just.

Burn myself completely out. I just cannot work at that in that way. 

Rachel: Exactly. And if someone like that were to try to kind of push themselves to mastery in something or even a few things at a time, that would be very difficult for them. So yeah, it is, we all, I mean, I get those ideas all the time. Like, Oh man, it would be so nice to have that.

It's all the same. 

Cris: So one practical thing that I mentioned earlier that I want to talk about is called ideas on deck and it is this it's a simple concept [00:37:00] For years, I was tortured by my to do list. It was just like this yellow legal pad that had turned into a caterpillar digger monster. Then it wasn't going very fast, but I had to constantly be moving.

I couldn't lay down in my bed and sleep because the digger monster would come and mow me over. I'd wake up in the middle of the night like, Why am I not living my highest potential?

Why can I not manifest my dreams? It was just torture. I'm sure a lot of people can, uh, relate to this. Cause I see people, they like hold up their to do list, and I just want to crawl underneath the nearest dining room table. I can see the misery. It's just, here's your 18 top priorities. No, no, no, no. That's not how that works.

The reason my to do list had so much on it is because I was using it for every idea that I had. Every time I had a new fairy tale castle, I was like, okay, here we go. Here's how good I had to do it. And I would make a big [00:38:00] ol long line of checks boxes and then they would all get muddled together because I'd have like two or three going and seven going at the same time.

I would look back and I couldn't cross things off because I couldn't admit that that sandcastle fell apart again. It was actually blocking my ability to have new ideas because I was so dysregulated in my relationship to that visionary part of myself. So I now have them separated. First of all, I have a to do system, which is based on 7 Sag Meisters to do list, which is merged with my calendar.

So I can't, it's not this endless to do list. Like I don't write it down unless I'm gonna do it in the next one or two weeks. And I write it down on the day that I want to do it. And that way, when I'm finished with a week, I can be like, damn girl, you badass. Look at that. You did a whole bunch of stuff.

And it's very easy for me to review and see which things I didn't catch and move them into the next week. And I can't overschedule. Like Thursday, I have For client calls, so there won't be a bunch of other to do [00:39:00] items assigned to third little physically on the paper. They can't fit so that was already a massive upgrade, but now I Separate out my ideas whenever I have the big spike I capture it and I captured into this ideas on deck and even this idea for coming on the podcast It just get floated.

There is one of them like woo. That'd be fun little sparkly desire things But I put it in the, in the ideas on deck file, and then it came back again, and it came back again, and it came back again, came back again, and I was like, okay, fifth, sixth time, the desire comes strong, it's gonna take me three and a half seconds to write you an email and say, what do you think of this?

And you wrote right back. I think it was less than two months. Yeah, I just 

Rachel: happened to be online right then. And it was just in a media. I mean, I'm going to say, I was just like, yup. 

Cris: And see, this is a perfect example because I had to wait forever. And then if I get an email like that, somebody invites me to be on a podcast.

And I'm like, there's literally no reason for me to say [00:40:00] no to this. I still need to make myself wait. Because there's something that's going to come through, and I did it several times. For some reason, I'm going to be on a bunch of podcasts recently. And in that dip, it was like, oh, I have no idea what I want to talk about.

I had a bunch of other questions like, well, you know, these things would be fun. Are you up for discussing? This is what would really make it juicy for me to talk about. Because I'm a, being 59. 6, I like to like get in to the friction, the date of friction. And 59 is the gate of sexuality. So I like to give myself time to push an edge, consensually, always consensually, but that gives me the opportunity to get the consent of the person before they have made the offer.

And I have said the yes, because I get to make it conditional. I'll come on your podcast. If we can talk about da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And if I don't get that explicit permission before I say yes and they say yes, then I play small. I end up playing really, really small. That stuff that you harvest in the [00:41:00] bottom of the wave is gold.

Rachel: Actually that's a great segue into a question that I have, which is, and I get this from a lot of people. And I don't really know how to answer it at this point in my life because I feel kind of disconnected from, like, feeling that way. And you as a healer, I think, will have a lot to say about this, which is You were talking about how, you know, trauma and all these different things can affect your connection to your body.

If someone is going through that, like, what would be your advice for them where to start? Because I'll often tell people if you're really having a hard time A, feeling you're sacral or anything in your body, or B, it's causing you a lot of anxiety or fear to, because you have to, I really feel that you have to be in a certain place of safety to, to begin this surrender process because It's really advanced in sort of like where your nervous system has to be, where you you're taking risks, [00:42:00] your mind has to be able to let go in a certain to a certain level.

So I always tell people, if you're not quite there yet, start with making decisions that are best for your health and safety. Like what's going to help you have enough money, have a roof over your head, have positive people around. So that's kind of what I'll say. But I would love to hear like your lab, like how you would elaborate on that.

Cris: It's very much kind of a Maslow's hierarchy kind of situation and especially to pull in a little astrology because we're in this North Node, South Node in Taurus Scorpio. We're collectively releasing a lot of shadow work, like very little tolerance for bullshit and North Noda and Taurus, like the whole collective starting in January for 18 months is in these stability and safety, my issues, your issues, Scorpio's debt, other people, relationship to debt, relationship to other people's resources, as well as your own.

So everybody is in this right now and is going to be for another year. It's a big time of reinvention [00:43:00] and everyone is rewarded by figuring out what it is that really brings stability for them. And it's different for different people. For me, it turns out I need to live in a house that I really enjoy.

And I need to have a visa in Mexico so I don't have to stress about, you know, getting kicked out of the country. And there's part of me that just wants to dream fairytale castles in the sky and not pay attention to the basics. So, if you don't have stability, if you don't have access to a tribe of people, if you don't have any safe people, you gotta get at least one, two.

One is tough because You know, then you can create a real reliance on them that can be very unbalanced. But if you've got zero, go to one. If you've got one, go to two. You don't need seven, but really like two or three is fantastic. And then others will show up in the realms that they need. [00:44:00] So orient to whatever that civility is, orient to your safe people, and then allow the process.

You have to start where you are. It's a bit of a cheeky answer to where do you start. You start where you are. 

Rachel: I completely agree. That's the answer to that for me is like it doesn't mean that you're behind or you're not doing well because we all I find I go through phases of this. Sometimes it's like Oh, I'm trying, I'm in a really stable place and I'm just expanding my life through my most pure desires of my sacred response.

And then other times it's like, oh no, I need to go back and kind of deal with this other stuff. Like I need to feel safe. I need to be making enough money to Pay my bills and that doesn't mean like, I think it's very natural because as we expand, we may kind of contract back into that place. Then we expand again.

And that'll look different for everybody. We all kind of have these different like cycles or lack of cycles within our charts, but yeah, it's, it's not like a one and done. And it doesn't mean that you're like failing at being [00:45:00] an involved being or whatever. It's like, it's just part of being human on this plane and the stuff we deal with.

Cris: Right, and there's lots of people on the planet who know nothing about their emotional authority that are figuring it out, you know? Like, if you just found out about this and all of this is barely making sense to you, that's completely fine. There's lots of humans that are living beautiful lives without this information, and you probably were too.

And this is just meaning more light is coming, more light is coming in, more structure, more support is coming in. So allow it, and my biggest thing about human design is like, man, it is such a big topic. So allow it the space that it really needs to land in your being because there's so much nuance calibrating to this is, is probably a lifetime's work and it's really fun.

So don't stress about it. Needing to hurry up and ace the test because there is no test and you're [00:46:00] never finished. I think that's a 

Rachel: natural end point. Where 

Cris: can 

Rachel: people 

Cris: find 

Rachel: you? 

Cris: My, well really everything is accessible with the URL becomingdragon. com There's a lot of juiciness on there. Excellent. 

Rachel: Well, thank you so much, Chris.

This was so fun! Yay, we did it!